Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Where Was I?

What I was about to say before Ike knocked out my internet:
I was uncomfortable and sweaty but my cheek was on some cold, hard surface. Someone was shaking me. It was dark; no, my eyes were closed.
"Come on, man, wake up."
I opened my eyes. I was in the bathroom, lying by the toilet. A friend of mine was shaking my shoulder. I sat up.
"What happened?” I asked.
"You overindulged. You got carried away. Look behind you."
I looked back. There were splotches of gunk I had spewed all over my blog, stretching back a full week. Something about a young woman named Sarah Palin who looked kind of nice, sort of like Tina Fey. "Who is she and what did I do to her?"
"You attacked this young mother…a working mother with a Down Syndrome child and an unwed, pregnant, teenage daughter."
"I said nasty things about her family?"
"Not directly, but you said she wasn’t a good choice for Vice President. Dissing her politics and experience amounts to the same thing as attacking her children. Just as your attacks on the war show that you hate our men and women in uniform."
"Oh my God. How did I meet her?"
"John McCain trotted her into the bar. There were a couple obvious skeletons in her closet and you couldn't wait to jump those bones."
"I just went after her?"
“She was showing off her lipstick and talking about how tough she was and how many good old boys she had handled and then she exposed herself.”
“She was asking for it.”
“She wanted it.”
“She deserved it.”
“Seriously. But you really went to town; you couldn't stop. To be fair, it wasn't just you. The blogs, the East coast media, the liberals – they all jumped on her too. It was the biggest gang bang since Jodie Foster in 'The Accused'."
“But she’s only the VP candidate?”
“Yeah, McCain threw her to you guys and you were all like, “who is she?” and he was like, “how dare you ask” and you all took the bait, made her the issue, got intoxicated with bridges to nowhere, Troopergate, secrecy, cronyism, yada, yada… and let McCain off the hook. It almost worked until Johnny Mac said the economy was fundamentally sound.”
“Yeah, looks like anyone can act like an idiot now and then.”