Wednesday, March 28, 2007

A Plague of Roaches?

"Is Marijuana Kosher For Passah" (Passover)

As we always ask at the Seder, "On all other nights we fire up a doobie at dinner. Why on this night do we just get wasted on wine?"

It's logical to put aside your refer during Passover because, when you get the munchies, all there is is matzah. and, even when you're stoned, that's just dry, tasteless crackers.

But why would toking on a number be non-kosher for Passover? Because we fled Egypt before our crop could be harvested and dried? Because the locusts ate it all? Because we would start giggling about the word "Pharaoh" and not be all serious about how we were once slaves in Egypt?

According to the article linked above, it's because weed is classed as a legume. Have these rabbis ever had a drug education class in school and SEEN a marijuana plant? In what way does marijuana resemble peas, beans or peanuts? It looks more like a tomato plant to me.

But, then, I'm foolishly looking for logic in kosher law, which is like looking for an honest man in D.C. There is no logic: The article says it is because legumes were stored next to grain and might fraternize too much and become assimilated. Another explanation (and this is only for Ashkenazic Jews) is "The Smak (Rabbi Moshe of Kouchi, 13th century, France) explains that products of (legumes) appear like (wheat or grain) products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chometz). Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot was prohibited."

Seriously, the "Smak" rabbi? The Smak rabbi says we can't eat peas because we might confuse them with flour? Only if we are STONED! "Dude, am I eating a pack of Ho Hos or a bag of lima beans? I am SOOOOOO wasted right now, man. Wait, wait - listen: 'Pharaoh'. hehehe 'Phaaaaraooooh'. SNORK! It sounds SOO weird."

So, if we don't get high and confused on Passover, we should be able to eat legumes, right? Dude, I am so confused. At least I know grass is allowed on Easter.