Friday, February 18, 2011

Dems on the Run

State police in Wisconsin are hot on the trail of escaped lawmakers trying to keep the legislature from having a quorum and passing a law to limit collective bargaining by union employees of the state.


Republicans bustin’ unions
I fought the law in Wisconsin
I fought the law in Wisconsin
We won't let 'em get a quorum
I fought the law in Wisconsin
I fought the law in Wisconsin

They’re missing sev’ral of us Democrats
Can’t guess where we run
Now they’ve got the state police dispatched
I fought the law in Wisconsin
I fought the law in Wisconsin

We’re in Illinois on vacation
I fought the law in Wisconsin
I fought the law in Wisconsin
In Chicago on a deep dish pizza run
I fought the law in Wisconsin
I fought the law in Wisconsin

They’re missing sev’ral of us Democrats
Can’t guess where we run
Now they’ve got the state police dispatched
I fought the law in Wisconsin
I fought the law in Wisconsin

Friday, February 11, 2011

I'm Not Going

UPDATE:
EMBARRASSED BY THIS BLOG POST, MUBAREK HAS RESIGNED

The people of Egypt were ready for Hosni Mubarek's big video announcement yesterday, expecting he was stepping down and leaving. But they should have known something was up when Jennifer Hudson was rushed in to coach the dictator right before he came out to deliver this song:

And I am telling you
I'm not going
I’m the best man you'll ever know

There's no way I can ever go
No, no, there's no way
No, no, no, no way you’re living without me
You're not living without me
You don't wanna be free
I'm staying
I'm staying
And you, and you
You're gonna love me, oh ooh mm mm
You're gonna love me

And I am telling you
I'm not going
Even though the rough times are showing
There's just no way, there's no way
We're part of the same place
We're part of the same time
We both share the same blood
We both have the same mind

And time and time, we've had so much to see and
No, no, no, no, no, no way
I'm not waking up tomorrow morning and finding that you’re still in the square

Egypt there's no way
No, no, no, no way you’re living without me
You’re not living without me
You see there's just no way, there's no way

I won't go away from here
Staying here staying here
Hey, please don’t kill me
Hey, please don’t kill me

Please, hey don’t kill me, Egyptians,
Try and disperse, try and disperse
I know, I know, I know you can

Tear down the mummies
Yell, scream and shout like you can say what you want
I'm not walking out
Stop up the Nile, push, strike and kill
I'm not gonna leave you
There's no way I will

And I am telling you
I'm not going
I’m the best man you'll ever know
There's no way I could ever, ever go
No, no, no, no way
No, no, no, no way you’re living without me
Oh, you’re not living without me,
Not living without me
You don't wanna be free
I'm staying, I'm staying
And you, and you, and you
You're gonna love me

You're gonna love me, yes you are
Ooh ooh love me, ooh ooh ooh love me
Love me, love me, love me, love me

You're gonna love me

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Star Mangled Banner



















Oh say can you sing, in the stadium lights
Where so many have failed, while the fans are all screaming
Run-on lines and high notes, take a perilous flight
While the critics all watch, and are smugly live tweeting
As Christine Aguilera, blows her lines on the air
And proves our delight, when successful folks fail
Oh, say aren’t those star-mangled lyrics depraved?
Anyone who performs, at Super Bowls must be brave.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Palmer

(TUNE: The Boxer)

I am Carson Palmer
And my story is not told
In my ratings and statistics
If you name the top ten (twenty?) premier quarterbacks
I’d make the list
Still the fans see just their fantasies
In leagues that don’t exist

First round draft pick by the Bengal team
I was in the minor leagues
In a company of misers
In the pocket without pass protection, running plays
Lo and behold! Seeking out post season playoffs
Where the Pittsburgh Steelers go,
Swiftly make it, then the first play, my left knee is blown

I will retire!
If the Bengals do not trade me
I’ll retire
If the Bengals do not trade me, I’ll retire

With a game plan so predictable
I still do a damn good job
But I get no credit,
’Cause I’m not a media whore like Ochocinco is
He’s everywhere! except where I have thrown the ball to
Why can’t he just be there?

I will retire!
If the Bengals do not trade me
I’ll retire
If the Bengals do not trade me, I’ll retire


So I'm laying out my trade demands
To little Mikey Brown
Let me go
Where the Cincinnati writers are not beating me
Release meeeee, Mikey Boy

In the office stands a passer
Asking Mike Brown for a trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every sack, bad coaching call, or injury
Or missed route
For which he shouldered all the blame
He is pleading, Mike’s not heeding
And the quarterback remains

I will retire!
If the Bengals do not trade me
I’ll retire
If the Bengals do not trade me, I’ll retire