Monday, September 12, 2011

Jason, Come Out of the Bathroom

Passengers making frequent and prolonged visits to airplane bathrooms caused concern because of the tight security surrounding the 9/11 anniversary Sunday. Fighter jets were sent to escort the planes and the caution is certainly understandable. Some may have misunderstood, however, and I envision the following scenario somewhere in flyover country:

MOM: (Knocking on bathroom door) Jason, what are you doing in the bathroom?

JASON: Seriously? I’m using the bathroom. Go away, Mom.

MOM: Jason, there is no reason why a 13-year-old boy should need to lock himself in the bathroom as frequently and for such extended periods as you are doing lately. Is something wrong?

JASON: I’m FINE, Mom. Go away.

MOM: Jason, I hear strange sounds when you are in there and you seem to be breathing heavily. Are you working on something in there?

JASON: Oh, god, Mom! Leave me alone and stop listening in on me.

MOM: Jason, don’t take that tone. One needs to be vigilant nowadays. I know you took your computer in there. What websites are you looking at? Are you looking at Al Qaeda? Jason, are you building a bomb in your underwear? Is that why they are stained?

JASON: MOM!! Stop it; I’m not building a bomb.

MOM: Jason, that’s good to hear. However, in the interest of national security, I’ve asked the Air Force to send an F-16. I believe it is flying over the house right now.


MOM: Jason, please remain calm. The FAA is here and, when you come out of the bathroom, they will have some questions for you. If everything is as fine as you say it is, it should not take long or result in any arrests.

JASON: For God’s sake, Mom, what the hell?

MOM: Jason, from now on you will be allowed no more than 3 ounces of hand lotion when you go in the bathroom. Just so you know.