Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Sympathy for the Devil

Scott McClellan figured it would be fitting to talk about his new book at a press conference today.
INTRODUCER PERSON: Ladies and gentlemen, former White House press secretary, Scott McClellan will now take questions.
REPORTERS (SHOUTING): I wanna hear my voice! I wanna hear my voice!**
McCLELLAN: Yes, you.
REPORTER: Mr. McClellan, your book states that Bush is self-deceiving and runs the government on propoganda.
McCLELLAN: That is the message that we have decided on, yes. You will hear my publicist, my manager, my agent and all my hangers-on parroting the same talking point.
REPORTERS (SHOUTING): I wanna hear my voice! I wanna hear my voice!
McCLELLAN: Yes, you.
REPORTER: Mr. McClellan, according to MSNBC's report, your book says, quote, "that Bush and his team sold the Iraq war by means of a 'political propaganda campaign' in which contradictory evidence was ignored or discarded, caveats or qualifications to arguments were downplayed or dropped and 'a dubious al-Qaida connection to Iraq was played up.'" Since that war destroyed this country's reputation and standing in the world, hamstrung our military, ruined our economy and cotinues to bring about death and injury, do you even feel any regret about your part in spreading the propoganda?
McCLENNAN: That is part of an ongoing investigation and I can not comment on that.
REPORTER: A follow up: Does the fact that you are bringing this out now, so much later, only to make money off this heinous situation... does that make you the lowest, most dispicable sort of human being imaginable (other than your former bosses)?
McCLELLAN: That is part of an ongoing investigation and something which I can't comment on.
REPORTER: Um, follow up to the follow up: Scott, do you even have a soul?
McCLELLAN: Again, that's part of an ongoing investigation and something I really can't say. Though it seems unlikely.
INTRODUCER PERSON: That's all we have time for. Thank you ladies and gentlemen. No more questions.
(McClellan was merely a a tiny imp in Bush's underworld of demons like Karl Rove and Dick Cheney, but if I had no respect for him when he was Bush's spokesdummy, I have even less now. Here's the really funny follow-up, though: McClellan's book tells about how Bush establishes the talking points and everyone is told the script and you hear them all repeat it like Stepford brides of Frankenstein. Now the White House is denying that what Scott says is true and expressing sadness over his "disgruntlement": they all are saying it with exactly the same line, "this is not the Scott McClellan I knew." Which is probably true because I suspect that anyone leaving the Bush White House early is killed and replaced with a pod person.)

Remember, the letters in "George W. Bush" spell "We bugger hos"

**Any comedy format ripped off from Gary Burbank is purely intentional

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