Tuesday, July 29, 2008

If You Need a V. P. From the Confederacy, Vote Kaine

I hid a microphone at Obama headquarters because I am a Fox News kind of guy, adhering to the journalistic credo that “your right to know supersedes your right to exist.”*
This is the discussion I overheard among Obama’s advisors:

MOHAMMED: So, Akmed, who is on the short list for V.P.?
AKMED: The name at the top today is Tim Kaine.
MOHAMMED: Who?
AKMED: The Governor of Virginia.
MOHAMMED: Never heard of him. What happened to Clinton, or Biden, or Hagel, even?
AKMED: Kaine has one thing those guys will never have.
MOHAMMED: What’s that?
AKMED: The confusion factor. People go in to vote for McCain, they see Obama/Kaine and they accidentally vote for our guy.
MOHAMMED: Come on! Nobody is that brain dead.
AKMED: Oh yeah? I got one word for ya.
MOHAMMED: Whut?
AKMED: Florida, 2000.
MOHAMMED: Oh yeeeeaaah. It could happen.
AKMED: It could happen!
MOHAMMED: You know, Akmed, that’s a nice “I’m a life-long Christian, not a Muslim terrorist, I swear to Allah” lapel pin you have on.
AKMED: Huh? I don’t have a…what is this?
TOGETHER: That’s not a “I’m a life-long Christian, not a Muslim terrorist, I swear to Allah” lapel pin, that’s a hidden microph…..

That’s where I lost the transmission.

*(that credo © 1980 by Gary Burbank as is the hidden microphone premise I ripped off)

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5 comments:

Bill said...

OK, JohnnyB: A combination of Kaine/McCain puns and nostalgia for that Burbank dude we used to write for inspired this little ditty, and it's all your fault:

With apologies to the musical classic "My Fair Lady," the Late for the Sky Theatre and Cha-Cha Whoopee Band presents George W. Bush as TheLiar DooLittle in "My Third Termy":


George singing to "The Rain in Spain"
The reign insane
refrains with John McCain
The reigning pain
refrains with John McCain

(Bad Rex Harrison Imitator):
By George, I think you've got it! What is that reign?

George:
In-sane! In-sane!

Harrison:
And who has most to gain?

George:
McCain! McCain!
The lane to fame
is mainly in my name
(Now singing and mumbling badly) That's why you'll dance on offshore rigs and give us gas holidays and claim that you're a military genius for voting for a surge when voting for the war in the first place was . . .
In-Sane! In-Sane!
The reign insane
refrains with John McCain

(Bad Rex Harrison Imitator):
By George, I think you've got it!

JohnnyB said...

Very nice, Bill. I refrained from pointing out that Obama's "Yes we can" refrain means he is "able". And Able going up against McCain or Kaine is historically risky.

Anonymous said...

You both do Gary proud!

Karen

Jenny said...

Do you ever do the Beat 360 challenge:

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/category/beat-360°/

I am confident you could win a t-shirt!

JohnnyB said...

Jenny,
I hadn't heard of that. I'll try it some time.