Sunday, November 30, 2008

I Rot the Songs

In a group I belong to, 3 of us out of 10 friends have the same birthday in December. My older friend Bill (Everything You Know About English is Farkakteh) celebrates the day after I do. I have several other friends born around the same time (late November through mid-December), meaning all are Sagittarians. I am more into words than astrology, so what interested me most about this calendaric coincidence is that it would make a good country song: “All My Friends Are Sagittarians”, kind of like “All My Exes Live in Texas”. Now, the majority of people I know are not Sagittarians, but “Some of my friends, but not all and none of my close family, are Sagittarians” doesn’t work so well as a song. Also, I know that ‘friends” does not rhyme with “Sagittarians”, but “exes” doesn’t exactly rhyme with “Texas” either (though it works better than Steve Miller’s “rhyme” of “Texas”, “facts is” and “justice”), but I pronounce the words as “frenz” and “Sagittarienz”, giving the song a hip-hop flava. What I want to write is a country, hip-hop, pop, folk fusion song. I am struggling with it because I can write a parody song given some one else’s tune, but coming up with a completely original song is tough, which is why I’m a number jockey in Cincinnati, not a tune smith in Nashville.
Much of the typical Sagittarian traits apply to me: Interested in philosophy and religion, impulsive and independent, procrastinate, natural comedians (sometimes exaggerating their adventures to entertain people), but sometimes offend by speaking without thinking, and can be argumentative or blunt. Sagittarians are susceptible to hip troubles and leg pain. Okay so far, but also, Sagittarians are great athletes, big-game hunters and fishermen. HA! All these traits ought to be worked into the song, unless they don’t rhyme. But like I said, I’m having trouble; in fact I pretty much just have words that rhyme but have nothing to do with the zodiac or my real friends. Here’s what I have so far:

All my friends are Sagittarians
We have affinity for philosophy,
Sometimes we act like horse rear ends
Comedians, contrarians, some quinquagenarians
All my friends are Sagittarians

I know some Rastafarians
Braided, bearded, hairy men
Need ganja? They are carryin’
They grow it: they’re agrarian

This woman’s name is Marian,
She is a librarian
‘Til her body turns to carrion
She’ll be Sagittarian


One pretends she’s a thespian
She also is a lesbian
She won’t eat meat or marry men
She’s a vagitarian

So, not all my friends are men
Some are more ovarian
And even imaginary friends
Of mine are Sagittarians


We’re characterized as mutable,
Think everything’s disputable
We’re blunt, unlike our arrow,
Don’t follow the straight and narrow

We’re impulsive but procrastinate
We’re honest but exaggerate
Legs hurt from the brains we’re carryin’
We are proud Sagittarians


See, it’s pretty lame. I invite you to make a much better song, produce it and upload to YouTube and link to it in the comments. When some record label or artist buys it, we’ll split the profits. Or just write some lyrics in the comments. Here’s some leftover words you might use:
Bavarian, Aryan, clarion, barbarian, Bulgarian, Hungarian, non-sectarian, sectarian, Wagnerian, centenarian, grammarian, libertarian, vegetarian, proletarian, seminarian, Unitarian, veterinarian, authoritarian, disciplinarian, egalitarian, humanitarian, octogenarian, parliamentarian, totalitarian, utilitarian, septuagenarian, begins and ends, portends.

(I was going to use the Sagittarius image from this site, because it's pretty right on, but I couldn't get past the misuse of "your" instead of "you're".)


Susan said...

My brother is a Sagittarius
Tall and lanky without a carius
Mom liked him best
And that's not fairius

Frank and candid, or blunt and tactless
Depends on how you view his frankness
He and his other Sagittarius friends
Often act like horses rear ends

My brother is a Sagittarius
Tall and lanky without a carius
Mom liked him best
And that's not fairius

Open and honest, he shows good judgment
Unless he gets really mad and starts to vent
He might gamble or take too many chances
But mostly he's jovial and good with finances

My brother is a Sagittarius
Tall and lanky without a carius
Mom liked him best
And that's not fairius

He's always generous and enthusiastic
Optimistic, fair and super fantastic
Everybody wants him for their friend
This is getting sappy so it's time to end

My brother is a Sagittarius
Tall and lanky without a carius
Mom liked him best
And that's not fairius

JohnnyB said...

Very nice - creative word making with "carius". ;-)

Bill Brohaugh said...

My favorite exercise in tortured rhyme is Gordon Lightfoot's The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, featuring such classic rhyme pairs as:

--Cleveland/been feeling
--slashing/West Wind (boy, Lightfoot must have been really tired by this point)
--good ship and true/bone to be chewed
--and crew was in peril/Edmund Fitzgerald
--boats go/all know

Some of those make "Texas/facts is" almost Shakespearean

scarletvirago said...

Alas, I have no musical or even filk talents, but as a Sadge myself, totally support your endeavor!

Sagittarians Unite! -until something better catches our interest in which case we'll dump you like a hot potato and totally not even get why you're upset.