Obama Names Blagojevich Secretary of Protection
Barack Obama has not only made another controversial cabinet appointment, he has created an entirely new cabinet post to do it.
“Today I am announcing my plan to develop a Department of Protection and to appoint Governor Ron Blagojevich of Illinois to head it up as Secretary,” the President Elect announced during a family picnic in Chicago’s Gangland Park.
Obama was asked why he would appoint someone being indicted for federal crimes as Secretary, Obama shrugged off the controversy. “Look…there is a fine line between politics and crime. We should be able to find a common ground between them.“
Obama created controversy most recently by inviting the homophobic ignoramus pastor, Rick Warren to give the inaugural invocation. The President Elect defended that choice by saying that “…what we have to do is to be able to create an atmosphere where we can disagree without being disagreeable and then focus on those things that we hold in common as Americans." Similarly he defended his choice of Blagojevich saying that “we need to open our minds and understand that, what to you and me is corruption and graft … is to others just tradition and family values.”
When asked what the Department of Protection would do, Obama described it as “somewhere between the Department of Commerce and Homeland Security. Look, the United States has many friends out there who we wouldn’t want to see … nuthin’ happen to ‘em. We are in a position to … help some people. If these people show … appreciation … everything is jake. Secretary Blagojevich will be responsible for … seeing that his people visit these friends and … collect such well wishes and appreciation as they care to give ... on a regular basis. The Secretary would hate to… see something happen to them or their families … if you get my drift.”
Blagojevich then took the microphone and promised that, “whatever charges were brought about whatever I done as Secretary of Protection, I assure you I will be vindicated and totally cleared of them.” When it was pointed out that he is not yet Secretary and there are no charges, he responded, “Hey, you know, I’m just sayin’.”