Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Gospel According to JohnnyB

11:1 When they drew near to Washington, District of Columbia, at the mall of the capital, he sent two of his disciples,

11:2 and said to them, "Go your way into the village that is opposite you. Immediately as you enter into it, you will find a new limo, in which no one has sat. Bring it.

11:3 If anyone asks you, 'Why are you doing this?' say, 'Obama needs it;' and immediately he will send it back here."

11:4 They went away, and found a limo at the door outside in the open street, and they started it up.

11:5 Some of the Secret Service asked them, "What are you doing, taking that car?"

11:6 They said to them just as Barack had said, and they let them go.

11:7 They brought the limo to Barack, and threw their jackets in it, and Barack sat in it.

11:8 Many held out papers to autograph, and others were cutting down branches from the trees, and taking them as souvenirs.

11:9 Those who went in front, and those who followed, cried out, "Obama! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the President!

11:10 Blessed is the kingdom of our father Washington that is coming in the name of the President! Obama in the highest!"

11:11 Barack entered into the capital in Washington. When he had looked around at everything, it being now evening, he went out to Alexandria with the family.

11:12 The next day, when they had come out from Alexandria, he was hungry.

11:13 Seeing a cherry tree afar off having leaves, he came to see if perhaps he might find anything on it. When he came to it, he found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for cherries.

11:14 Barack told it, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again!" or so the media reported. Actually he just asked someone to get him a coffee and McMuffin.

11:15 They came to Washington, and Barack entered into the capital, and began to throw out those who lied and those who broke the law in the capital, and overthrew the tables of the Constitution-changers, and the seats of those who sold out the nation.

11:16 He would not allow anyone to subvert the Bill of Rights in the capital.

11:17 He taught, saying to them, "Isn't it written, 'My White House will be called a house of integrity for all the nations?' But you have made it a den of war criminals!"

11:18 The Commander in Chief and the Cheney heard it, and sought how they might destroy him. For they feared him, because all the multitude was inspired at his teaching.

11:19 When evening came, he went out of the city.

11:20 As they passed by in the morning, they saw the cherry tree withered away from the roots.

11:21 The hangers-on, remembering, said to him, "Mr. President, look! The cherry tree which you cursed has withered away."

11:22 Barack answering said to them, "Don’t believe everything you hear.”.

11:23 For most assuredly I tell you, whoever may tell the media, 'I love America and have no hidden agenda' and doesn't doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says; they shall misquote it anyway.

11:24 Therefore I tell you, all things whatever you say and text and email, believe that they receive them, and they shall spin them.

11:25 Then Barack went forth and rebuilt the great nation.

I invite thy analysis and interpretation of the scrpture within the comments.
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Jenny said...

LOL - well done, John!

JohnnyB said...

Thanks, Jenny!
It's nice to get a good review from an expert ;-)

Anonymous said...

This is extremely funny! Great job.

JohnnyB said...

Thank you, Quirkyloon. Of course, Mark did half the work for me.

Anonymous said...

Amen, amen, brother. Preach it. :) With all the talk of Obama being the Messiah, this is very timely, but of course...hey, you know that, right? ;)

scarletvirago said...

You're getting a ticket to the special hell, you know that, right?

I'll see you there.

JohnnyB said...

Oh, I've already got a ticket - this one just earned me an upgrade.