Thursday, April 30, 2009

Swine Flew - UPDATED

“What’s the name of the organization raising the alert regarding the possible swine flu pandemic?”
“No, WHO is raising the alert.”

The multifarious global government reactions to the possible pandemic seem like an Abbott and Costello routine.
In Egypt they are slaughtering pigs as flu scapegoats. Please don’t tell them that the flu “combines pig, bird and human viruses”, though, if they do slaughter the humans, it would cut down on potential flu cases.

In Israel, one health minister has renamed the flu as the “Mexican flu” to avoid referring to non-Kosher animals considered “unclean”. This is not only ridiculous, it is also absurd. If eating pork is prohibited by dietary law, probably because it sickened people in Biblical times, wouldn’t labeling a disease with a porkish name make perfect Kosher sense? Oy, that Yakov! Such a meshuggahna kopf! It’s not like the word pork is prohibited. Or should we bring Litzman a shrubbery when we say the sacred name?

In Cincinnati, due to the swine/avian flu connection, our flying pig statues are being removed from sidewalks, parks, smokestacks, fountains and museums where people might come in contact with them. The Flying Pig Marathon has been cancelled as well. "The flu is a blend of avian, pig and human viruses," explained race official Cerdo del Vuelo, who asked to remain synonymous, "and our marathon combines all three, so we thought it best to cancel in the interest of safety."

In (probably) unrelated Cincinnati pork news, the owner of KT’s Barbeque is in trouble for installing a bikini-clad mannequin, named BarBe Q, outside his restaurant. He will fight to keep it because it attracts new customers, who become repeat customers after they taste the barbeque. “They come for BarBe Q, and they come again for their pulled pork,” he (might have) said. Officials vowed they would never approve his “sign” until swine flew. (5/14/09 - for an update on Kenny and Barbe, go here)

UPDATE: Breaking News from the Vatican: The Pope has forbidden the use of Pig Latin among Catholics worldwide. More as outbreak news breaks out.

2 comments:

unfinishedrambler said...

Nice tie in to Cincinnati, Johnny.

BarBe Q: that is great. But is the food actually good? Have you been there? So when I get out to Cincinnati, in like 10 years or when pigs fly, I'll know if it's worth stopping by. :)

JohnnyB said...

Rambler - KT's Barbeque is good, but it is take out only and there are places with better BBQ. (I'll give you their names when you get here). BarBe's cute, though so you may want to swing by to see her.