Tuesday, June 23, 2009

If You Need Someone To Count On ...

Iran's electoral body, the Guardian Council (sworn enemies of the Justice League) has acknowledged that there may have been some hijinks in their recent election.
"(The Council) found voting irregularities in 50 of 170 districts, including vote counts that exceeded the number of eligible voters."
The number of total votes was possibly 3 million more than the number of eligible voters. They attribute that to good-natured ballot box stuffing by some over zealous fans of the beloved President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, "like your American baseball all star voting."

I am no political scientist, nor even a rocket scientist, but it seems that, if you are going to have voting fraud in plain view of the entire world, and you clearly know the number of eligible voters, you would announce results which are under that number. I think that is covered in poli-sci 101.

The Council declared there was no "major fraud" and that "the discrepancies ... were not widespread enough to affect the outcome." Do they presume that the protesters in the street, the defrauded masses, the ones rocking the vote with real rocks, will just shrug and say, "Thank you for admitting your lying, cheating, mockery of the Democratic process. As long as you assure us it had no impact on the actual outcome, we are happy. Oh, and if you don't mind, could you stop shooting us?"

How can this inept band of rulers be expected to carry out a successful clandestine development of nuclear weaponry, if they can't rig an election and get away with it?

I see this as an opportunity for the US to help Iran and change their opinion of us from "meddling critic" to "valued consultant". We send over Katherine Harris, Ken Blackwell and Antonin Scalia to teach them how to properly engineer a victory.

Our Republicans may not be able to manage a war or a natural disaster, but they can put out an electoral manipulation that will stand up to scrutiny. If we we send them to Tehran, we could open a dialogue with the ruling regime and, if we charge what they are worth, aid the ailing US economy. It's a win/win situation. ("win/win" refers to a situation where your side always prevails regardless of the merits of the argument or number of votes on the other side.)

Some of you may feel bad for the Iranian people who oppose the current leaders. What they need is more effective populist propaganda. We can also send over Rush Limbaugh, Karl Rove and Dick Cheney to explain to the Iranian people what imbeciles they are and why they ought to shut up and be good patriots, supporting their fairly elected President despite his lack of leadership abilities and basic mental skills.

The upside for us is those guys would be out of here for a while.


Anonymous said...

I think maybe you are a rocket scientist after all. What genius--you rock! (the vote)


JohnnyB said...

Thank you! Did you notice that The Count and Ahmadinejad are the same guy (you've never seen them together in one place, have you?). Check out the hair, the nose and, especially, the eyebrows. Who glued those things on Mahmood's head?