Thursday, July 30, 2009

B double-E R S U double-M I T - Beer Summit!

Today is the big beer summit at the White House. You might think that, if President Obama were going to try and resolve something over drinks, he might be sitting around with key Democratic and Republican legislators trying to get a deal done on health care.

But President O stumbled into the briar patch of a black Harvard professor being arrested by a white Boston cop and now we have to deal with the racial implications as a nation.

As the Daily Show advised: “Alcohol is not how you resolve a racial incident, it’s how you start one.” We already have disagreement on the choice of beer. “Obama is opting for a Bud Lite, while Gates is said to be partial to Red Stripe from Jamaica. Crowley's preference is for Blue Moon, a Belgian-Style beer, made by Coors.”

Ironically, George Bush was the politician that Americans purportedly would prefer to have a beer with. I would have guessed the Big O was a wine drinker, but he’s trying to shake the image of “elitist prick, turning us into Europe”, so he’s been chowing down on hamburgers with Joe Biden and now drinking Bud Lite.

Still, you know this will not start out well.
CROWLEY: All due respect, Mr. President, we have some other fine beers that would provide a little more taste. Blue Moon from Coors or even Sam Adams from my home town.

GATES: You impress me, Officer Crowley. I would have thought Bud Lite was a staple for you.

CROWLEY: What? Because I’m a cop? Wouldn’t you call that “profiling”? Huh? You wanna ask me if I’m gonna dunk a doughnut in my beer?

GATES (SMUGLY): It was merely that I thought that Bud Lite was preferred by you and your peers.

CROWLEY: “My peers”? Is that like saying “you people”? I got as much class as any Harvard professor and I know some good beers. I thought you and “your peers” would be Colt Malt Liquor men, but I can also see where you go for that reggae Red Stripe crap from Jama….

GATES (jumping up): If you say “Jamaica, mon”, I will #@$% you up!

OBAMA: Gentlemen, gentlemen! Crowley, put the handcuffs back. Don't be stupid!

ANNOUNCER: Bud Lite presents, Real Men of Genius

SINGER: Real men of geeen-ius

ANNOUNCER: Today we salute you, Mr. Racial Incident Inflamer

SINGER: Mr. Racial Incident Inflamer

ANNOUNCER: Thanks to you we don’t need Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton showing up, making long speeches about lingering racial hatred. We don’t have to listen to Jesse try to rhyme his way through a puffed-up, publicity-seeking, press conference.
You can throw out a few ill-advised comments at the end of a totally unrelated press conference and turn what should have been a short-lived, isolated incident into a national cause célèbre … with beer.
So here’s to you, Mr. Racial Incident Inflamer. Thanks to you, Fox News, MSNBC and CNN have filler for their 24-hour $#!% stirring festivals.

SINGER: Mr. Racial Incident Inflamer

ANNOUNCER: Bud Lite beer, Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, Missouri.


Unfinished Rambler said...

I knew somebody was going to go there today and it's what I wanted to do: imagining the conversation. But I didn't know how to pull it off. Leave it to you, a real man of genius. :)

JohnnyB said...

Thanks, Rambler - and I appreciate the StumbleUpon link too!
I wish I had the means to create a video presentation of it.

Cali said...

Great one!

JohnnyB said...

Thank you, Cali. I sure it is being satirized by many others today.