Sunday, July 5, 2009

When JohnnyB Comes Marching Out of the Closet

*It's 1863. Irish-American bandleader Patrick Gilmore is seated at a writing desk in his parlor. Hillary Duff enters the room.
DUFF: Writing another song, Patty?
PATRICK: For sure. I ripped off this tune called "Johnny Fill Up The Bowl" from some stoner and I'm writing a nice Civil War ditty called "When Johnny Comes Marching Home".
DUFF: Let me see the lyrics. "Oh the men will cheer and the boys will shout. And we'll all feel gay"? That's insulting. Think B4 you write.
PATRICK: "B4"? What a queer thing to say. Oh WTF, I'll just use the name Louis Lambert and no one will know it was me, except my life partner, Johnny.

*Today I pulled a t-shirt out of my closet that I got at Tall Stacks in Cincinnati (the Queen City of the West) a few years ago. We had taken a riverboat cruise and saw a dinner show on the boat. I bought the t-shirt as a souvenir. So I came out of the closet today wearing my shirt that says "Creole Queen" across the front. Mocha-choco-lata-ya-ya.

*Last year, three of my friends at work and I all became shareholders, or "principals" in the firm we work for. Though the business entity we work for is a corporation, not a partnership, we still call each other partners, because it's just easier. When I introduce Mike, I say, "this is my partner Mike.....I mean, we're business partners."

If my friend Bill was still writing, he would tell all about how words evolve and "gay" and "queer" and "queen" and even "partner" take on new meanings.

I was thinking about all that when I came out of the closet with my Creole Queen t-shirt on and I had an epiphany, which, I hope to God, has only either a religious connotation or means a "sudden insight". My epiphany was to finally realize what the opponents of same sex marriage are talking about when they say that it will destroy marriage. As they say, marriage "is defined as between a man and a woman" If same-sex marriages proliferate, "marriage" will become another euphemism for gay - er, queer - I mean, homosexual, and cause confusion. The anti-same-sex people are just all about language purity. It's words they care about.

I don't believe that you can stop the evolution of language or the changing mores of society. The understanding of the word "married" is already in doubt. When I introduce Mike, I say, "this is my partner Mike.....I mean, we're business partners. We're married." Then I have to explain THAT. "I mean, he's a woman. And I'm a woman - not the same woman."

So just relax, light up a fag, grab some fruit and we'll all be gay.


Lamaworks said...

OK - I'm confused ....Is it gay to say gay or is it now taboo to say gay. If something makes you look flaming gay, maybe you should use the word flamer since its old-school negative. All I know, i just got freaking married and i think it would be cooler if I was gay...i could move into the city, make a lot of money, have tons of hot chic friends, and then hopefully sleep with them confused.

JohnnyB said...

Lamaworks - now I'm confused.