Accounting dSheep

My mind wandered. I couldn’t help it. I was so sleepy.

I awoke Tuesday morning from fitful dreams to find that I had a sinus headache. I took some drugs and that made me sleepy. Not the drugs, but the lack of sleep the night before, followed by the relief from the headache, had me aching to just to lie down and snooze.

Not even lie down. I snoozed at my computer. Come on, I work in accounting; it’s a wonder I stay awake any day, right? I was sitting there, hand on my mouse, moving some numbers around a spreadsheet. Then the numbers started to come out of the screen like a 3-D movie and dance around. Then I did that thing where you jump and open your eyes and look around real fast to see who had caught you sleeping. No one. Or at least, no one who stopped and waited so they could laugh at me. Not that time. Or the next time I nodded off. Or the next.

There was no way I was going to make it through the webcast last night. My company does business in China. Deloitte, one of the big accounting firms, had a webcast about doing business in China. The webcast started at noon today. That is, it was at noon on Wednesday in Hong Kong. Which was midnight in Cincinnati Tuesday night. Or Wednesday morning. It depended. Was I still awake Tuesday night or had I been asleep and I was now awake on Wednesday morning? I was both.

I was getting punchy. I logged in to the webcast. I was in the “lobby” watching a clock count down, waiting for the show to start. “The webcast starts in 5 minutes.” I looked at the title. “Deloitte dBriefs.” Of course they were not really debriefing, they were briefing; but with “Deloitte”, you HAVE to put dBrief. It’s cute.

My mind wandered. Just Deloitte? It’s really "Deloitte, Touche", right? Not like “touché”, more like “toosh”. It’s kind of a funny word. Not as much as “three-way” or “corn hole”, but sorta funny. But they just go by Deloitte. What did they do with Touche? De touche is in de briefs. Can’t touche that.

I couldn’t help it. I was so sleepy. If I were Deloitte, I would have gone out and recruited some kid with exactly the name I wanted. I would have sponsored him (or her) through an accounting education, brought him up through the firm and made him my partner. His last name would have to be “Deway”. “We are Deloitte and Deway”. Our clients would see us as their savior in all accounting troubles. Instead of being in the Big Eight or even the Big Four accounting firms, we would be part of the Trinity.

Deloitte. It’s Deloitteful, it’s delicious, it’s delovely. Deliver de letter, de sooner de better. It’s not delivery, it’s Digiorno.

I jumped and opened my eyes and looked around real fast. I was alone in my living room with my laptop. Someone from Deloitte was on there, saying, dats dEnd of dBrief. Now let’s all go to dLobby, let’s all go to dLobby, let’s all go to dLobby …

Then I woke up. It was Wednesday morning.