Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Engorged Ego Suspected in NFL Injury

Bengals first-round draft pick, Andre Smith broke his foot today while trying to get his helmet on.

Smith was getting ready for practice when he found he could not get his helmet down past his ears. Smith went immediately to the equipment manager but was told he had to see Coach Marvin Lewis.

Lewis, who was surprised to learn that owner Mike Brown had selected Smith, let alone signed him, told Smith that all personnel decisions, all equipment purchases, all hall passes to go to the bathroom and pretty much every thing else has to be cleared through owner Mike Brown.

Mike Brown told Smith he could buy himself a new helmet "Out of the $28 million I just gave you." Smith then decided to hold his breath and began stomping his feet. His left foot, weakened by lack of use, gave way and broke, shattering the fans' remaining positive expectations once again before the season even starts.

Some of Andre's entourage stated that his head seemed to begin swelling a few weeks ago just before he began his holdout. Doctors speculated that ego may have been involved. A source close to the team, because he owns it, said "He probably just got fat sitting around stuffing his face while he plotted to get MY money."

It is not known how long it will take to deflate Smith's head to the point he will be able to put on his equipment and get in a game.


Gilah said...

I laughed myself silly when the Bengals drafted him after his antics at the combine. I was thinking the best thing that could happen would be for him to never sign... but this is such poetic justice!

JohnnyB said...

I'd agree with you, Gilah, If you weren't an evil Steelers fan!