Sunday, November 14, 2010

Kosher Not OK in OK

There was a bit of a public tsimmis last week when Oklahoma discovered they might have outlawed the Ten Commandments along with Sharia Law. This week, however, officials in the Sooner state have come to terms with the situation.

“Those Commandments are a Jewish thing, anyway”, State Representative Chris Simon said with a shrug. “We’re don’t need their God telling us we can’t covet our neighbor’s wife. It’s un-American.”

The tablets brought from Sinai by Moses are not the only Jewish edicts that Oklahoma has banned along with Islamic laws; the constitutional amendment also barred rabbis from approving food preparation in accordance with Kashrut, or Kosher law.

“The Hebrew National people used to talk about their wieners answering to a higher authority,” Rep. Jones asserted; “well, that authority was not Jesus, and Jesus wants us to have pork in our wieners.”

Oklahoma police have been assigned to block rabbis from entering factories to oversee food preparation. Executives at Sooner Salami Works were arrested yesterday for perpetuating the practice of preparing their products following Kashrut. Rabbi Moishe Finkelman has been organizing protests of the Kashrut ban, but has not been able to stop enforcement.

Meanwhile Jewish Oklahomans have been ordered to cease separating meat and dairy products. Police have begun going house to house in Oklahoma shtetls and confiscating the second set of cookware and dinnerware kept by observant Jews.

“We can’t allow American dining decisions to be made under laws of some other religion or national origin,” Rep. Jones explained. It's not just Muslims we fear, coming in here and cutting off people's hands under Sharia law; we fear the Jews as well, coming here and taking away our shrimp and our pork rinds. I’m sure the Jews will understand if they just look in their hearts and ask how their savior, Jesus Christ would handle this.

A federal judge put a restraining order on the enforcement of the Sharia law ban. Jews are expecting to get a similar ruling soon. “We have all the lawyers,” rabbi Finkelman declared with chutzpah.

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