The Palmer

(TUNE: The Boxer)

I am Carson Palmer
And my story is not told
In my ratings and statistics
If you name the top ten (twenty?) premier quarterbacks
I’d make the list
Still the fans see just their fantasies
In leagues that don’t exist

First round draft pick by the Bengal team
I was in the minor leagues
In a company of misers
In the pocket without pass protection, running plays
Lo and behold! Seeking out post season playoffs
Where the Pittsburgh Steelers go,
Swiftly make it, then the first play, my left knee is blown

I will retire!
If the Bengals do not trade me
I’ll retire
If the Bengals do not trade me, I’ll retire

With a game plan so predictable
I still do a damn good job
But I get no credit,
’Cause I’m not a media whore like Ochocinco is
He’s everywhere! except where I have thrown the ball to
Why can’t he just be there?

I will retire!
If the Bengals do not trade me
I’ll retire
If the Bengals do not trade me, I’ll retire


So I'm laying out my trade demands
To little Mikey Brown
Let me go
Where the Cincinnati writers are not beating me
Release meeeee, Mikey Boy

In the office stands a passer
Asking Mike Brown for a trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every sack, bad coaching call, or injury
Or missed route
For which he shouldered all the blame
He is pleading, Mike’s not heeding
And the quarterback remains

I will retire!
If the Bengals do not trade me
I’ll retire
If the Bengals do not trade me, I’ll retire