Tuesday, April 6, 2004

Fun With Plagues

Passover started last night and we had a very nice Seder with our family and a friend of Allie's. We ate great food, sang songs, read the Passover story and had fun.

However, as always, I have trouble taking the story of the plagues seriously (besides, plagues should be fun.

First off, I imagine this conversation between Moses and Aaron:

MOSES: Pharaoh still refuses to free our people.
AARON: Even after I showed him the power of God?
MOSES: Oh, some "power" you showed him. You cast down your rod and it became a snake. Woo hoo! Who are you, David Copperfeldman? Why don't you also pull some doves from your robe? Even Pharaoh's magicians can turn their rods into snakes.
AARON: Well my snake ate their snakes! Why don't YOU try something? I'm doing all the work here! Go talk to your bush!

So then they go back and really do a frightening miracle, turning all the rivers to blood. And once again, Pharaoh's magicians do likewise.
PHARAOH: So, what just happened?
MAGICIANS: That Moses dude and his He-bro like turned the water to blood. And he's all like, "check it out, this is the power of the God of the Hebrews!"
PHARAOH: And your response was?
MAGICIANS: We're like, no biggie, and we copied the same trick. We're all like, "In your face, Hebrew dude!"
PHARAOH: So, let's recap. Moses and Aaron turn our water to blood, which is gross and nasty. So you all decide to copy him. Did it occur to you that turning the blood back into water would have been a better trick?
MAGICIAN 1: Aw, dude, that would have been awesome!
MAGICIAN 2: Our bad.

PHARAOH: So gentlemen, do you remember our discussion the other day about replicating plagues? Plagues are not good. We talked about this. Then our slaves cause the land to be covered with frogs. And what do you dimwits do?
MAGICIANS: Uh, we made frogs too?
PHARAOH: Now we have twice as many frogs, all dead, and the place stinks.
MAGICIANS: Yeah, but.....
PHARAOH: Just fix it.

When M & A then cause lice to attack all the men and beasts:
MOSES: How do you like me NOW, Pharaoh!
MAGICIAN 1: Hey, big man, lice are no trick.
MAGICIAN 2: Yeah, dude, anyone can do lice! Watch this!
PHARAOH: Gentlemen.........
MAGICIAN 1: Uh .... but we won't!
MAGICIAN: Yeah, we won't! And you can't make us!
MAGICIAN 1: Nyan, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.
PHARAOH: Oh, that's very mature.

And at this point the magicians got out of show business. I suspect they were never seen again.

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