Friday, August 8, 2008

Brett's Side Story

Brett Farve to the Jets.
A couple days ago I recorded the Green Bay players discussing Brett's situation:
RIFF: (Spoken) Against the NFC Central we need every man we got.
ACTION: (Spoken) Farve don't belong any more.
RIFF: Cut it, Action boy. I and Baby John started with Brett.
ACTION: Well, he acts like he don't wanna belong.
BABY JOHN: Who wouldn't wanna belong to the Pack!
ACTION: Farve ain't been with us for over a month.
SNOWBOY: What about the day we clobbered da Bears?
A-RAB: Which we couldn't have done without Farve.
BABY JOHN: He saved our ever-lovin' season!
RIFF: Right! He's always come through for us and he will now.
(Sings)
When you've got Brett,
You've got Brett all the way
From his first touchdown pass
To retirement day.

When you've got Brett,
You’ve got butts in the stands,
You get Monday Night games,
Because Farve is the man!

When his pass is thrown,
It always gets connected!
At home or the road:
Your offense is respected,
You're well protected!

When you’ve got Brett
You’re the tops in Green Bay,
Which you'll never lose Brett
Till they cart him away.
When you've got Brett,
You stay with Brett!

(Spoken) I know Farve like I know me. I guarantee you can count him in.

BRETT: I’m out. Gotta get packin'.
A-RAB: Who’s gonna QB? Aaron Rodgers?
BRETT: I said I’d split if it’s him.
BIG DEAL: If it’s him, it’s a rebuilding season!
BRETT: (Innocently) I'm not taking a chance here! I'm not gonna challenge him.
PACKER GM: Great, then just go!
RIFF: So who’s gonna end up with Farve?
BRETT
Oh, with the Jets I’ll get to the Super dance,
And I’ll still be dressin' in green pants!
’Cause when the Pack dissed me and the Jets inquired,
I was flipped, I was swaped, and I un-retired!

RIFF: (Spoken) That’s cool, tasty. suh-weet. Get goin’ off to New York then. And walk tall!
BRETT: I always walk tall!
BRETT: I’m a Jet!
BRETT: The greatest!
BRETT
When you're a Jet,
You're the top team in town,
Okay, 4 and 11
But this year, the crown!

When you're a Jet,
You're a star on Broadway
Okay, maybe Jersey
But you’re out of Green Bay!

The Jets are in gear,
I’ll be like Y. A. Tittle
My late years are my best years
Unless my bones become too brittle!

Here come the Jets
Let the Pats go to hell.
Unless I throw it away,
Or I don’t feel so well!

Here come the Jets:
Let the Bills step aside!
Unless interceptions abound,
And my passing game’s died.

The offensive line,
Must protect me in the pocket
I get sacked a few times,
They’ll pull my joints from their sockets
If the line don’t block it!

Here come the Jets,
Yeah! And we're getting’ beat
Ev'ry last buggin' team
Knows that I am dead meat!
Fill the hole!
I am
Mother!
Lovin'!
Meat!
Yeah!

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4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bravo!

Karen

Bill Brohaugh said...

My compliments. Had I attempted a song parody, despite my love of West Side Story, I would have fallen into something easy, like b-b-b-Bretty and the Jets . . .

JohnnyB said...

Thanks for the bravo and for the compliments. I realize that song parodies are substantially less interesting on the printed page than they are when performed, so I am glad someone appreciates the effort.
Bill
I might have parodied "Bennie and the Jets" except that was done for Boomer. Besides, I couledn't have put a "Y. A. Tittle" reference in there.

Bill Brohaugh said...

I'd forgotten about Boomer and the Jets. Plus, the West Side Story angle gave you that great Brett's Side Story headline, which is in itself a hoot.