Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Hollywood Ugly

Revelations of false representations and cover ups continue to dog Sarah Palin. The latest scandal involves claims that she has perfect eyesight and does not need corrective lenses. The story is that she wears glasses to look “smart”.
Wearing glasses and pinning luxuriant, wavy, flowing hair up in some sort of glob on the top of the head is a tactic long used by Hollywood starlets in movie roles requiring them to portray homely losers who could not possibly attract a man. The repulsion factor derives from the hairstyle, which radiates lack of femininity, while their poor eyesight is an obvious indicator of intelligence, which no man wants to see in a woman. (It is similar to the glasses wearing tactic of Clark Kent which keeps anyone from realizing he is the powerfully muscular Superman). The definition of this look is “Hollywood ugly” based on its movie origins. Toward the end of the movie, the “ugly” girl removes her glasses and lets her hair down revealing her true beauty and lack of brains.
Sarah Palin has not only employed the Hollywood ugly disguise, she has gone as far as to have people talk about her penchant for shooting moose and peeing in the woods. These traits provide an aura of unappealing mannishness (though her image consultants simultaneously make repeated reference to her children to make it clear she is not a lesbian, a condition no one would want to see in a national candidate). "Sure she won a local beauty contest”, supporters say, “but have you seen the women in Alaska? James Carville could win that contest.” Investigative reporters have been unable to confirm or deny that assertion.
Speculation continues as to why Sarah Palin is employing the Hollywood ugly tactic, particularly since she risks being associated with Hollywood, the third ring of Hell to Republicans. Clearly voters, especially Republicans, prefer high level women to be intelligent and capable (a standard male politiciuans are not held to) so there is that reason for Palin to hide her charms.
However, 24-hour news voids require further speculation. Some expect that Sarah will be a best pal to John McCain, helping him win the Presidency and then, at the inauguration, will whip off the glasses and pull the elastic from her bun, causing John to gasp, get her in a lip lock and then propose marriage.
More savvy movie aficionados realize the likely pairing will be someone else. Given the vitriol she spewed about him at the RNC convention, the ultimate pairing will be Sarah Palin and Barack Obama. Two polar (no pun intended) opposites, repulsed by each other, one Democratic, one Republican; one black, one white; one a man, one a woman; one a Devil spawn, liberal, bleeding-heart, lowly community organizer who never made an executive decision and has hunted nothing more difficult to bag than Italian shoes on sale; one a hunting, peeing, fundamentalist, Pentecostal, conservative baby machine who has ruled over tens of people. It’s the other classic movie theme used in films from “It Happened One Night” to “You’ve Got Mail” to “Knocked Up”: The enemies who ultimately realize they are meant to be together forever. Look for this October surprise romantic comedy to show up in theaters near you.

5 comments:

Jprobasco said...

Excellent commentary, Johnny. And like all great satire, it contains an element of truth. In this case, I actually believe it is ALL true and factual. Of course, I also believe Neil Armstrong landed in Nevada instead of on the moon; Kennedy was shot by angry giraffes; and John McCain voted with George Bush over 90% of the time. Wait ...

JohnnyB said...

Really, Jim, must you perpetuate the horible lies about giraffes? It was an emu, acting alone.

Jenny said...

I can't wait to see the movie! ...um, I mean, I can't wait to see reality!

JohnnyB said...

Jenny,
maybe I should snd this screenplay to Hollywood

Jenny said...

Absolutely! It's a golden ticket!