Friday, January 16, 2009

Every Little Bit Helps

Regular readers of this blog know that I am a CPA. Irregular readers now know it too. Non-readers don’t know. Suck it, non-readers.

I figured it would be generous and condescending of me to offer some free financial advice in these uncertain times:

My advice is to find lots of ways to save small amounts of money. One thing I noticed at my house was that we have pens given out free by motels, bars, divorce lawyers, marriage counselors, Hamilton County Family Court, Cincinnati Free Clinic, etc. All these places want to advertise and I’m happy to promote them for all they’ve done to me. So now I have a bunch of pens and never have to buy them at Office Depot. If I save small amounts of money in many different ways, I can amass tens or even hundreds of dollars.

So I advise staying in hotels often. When you check in, you will find they have supplied your room with a pad of paper and a pen. Stick these in your suitcase. In just a few stays at different hotels, you can amass enough free stationery and writing tools to last a year. Also, go out to dinner often and pay with a credit card; then take home the pen they gave you to sign the receipt with. Restaurants are also a good source for free Styrofoam containers, lunch bags and little peppermint candies.

You know those prepaid postage cards they blow into magazines? They make great postcards. First, go on vacation, so you have a reason to do this. Buy some magazines to take with you and collect all the subscription cards. Use the name and address section to write your "great weather...wish you were here" crap. Then stick a blank label over the magazine's address on the other side (oh yeah, buy some blank labels to take with you also). Write the address you are sending the card to on the label and mail it. Free postage! Thanks, New Yorker!
(Bonus: Stay in a hotel on your trip and collect the free paper and pens!)

If any of you have similar money saving ideas, please list them in the comments.

And check out Humorbloggers


scarletvirago said...

Thanks to 12 years of drug company reps wasting my time in retail pharmacy, I have a lifetime collection of free pens. And not those cheap Bic types, either. You think all that R&D money is for the drugs, but it's not. It's for the pens.

The REALLY nice ones usually came from Valtrex or Cialis. I'd like to make a joke here, but that's probably grossly inappropriate. If not, perhaps you can make one for me?

JohnnyB said...

I would use a Valtrex pen after someone else had used it.
As for Cialis pens - um, so that you can write something down when the impulse trikes - but if it still has ink after 4 hours, consult a physician?

Cali said...

Geoff always takes the toilet paper when we stay at a hotel. Talk about cheap! I MEAN, talk about a money saver...

You could also take the ketchup packets from McDonald's and squeeze them into your empty ketchup bottle at home. Mmmm it's the BEST.

JohnnyB said...

I meant to say I "wouldn't" would NOT use a Valtrex pen after someone else had used it.

Cali: excellent ideas!

Anonymous said...

Not aknowledging your wife's birthday on your blog is probably not a cost-effective move. I t will most likely cost you extra bucks in the long run. I would suggest that you always remember to wish a Happy Birthday in the future as an additional means to financial prosperity.

JohnnyB said...

Anonymous - I did wish her a happy birthday in the comments on the "Road to the Whitehouse" entry. Do you think she'd prefer a entry in this HUMOR blog mocking her advancing age? I don't think so.