Here in Cincinnati we are preparing for the crowds expected to overtake the area on Tuesday during the inauguration. Take a look at the map here. People arriving in DC to see the event will be instructed to line up along the big black letters spelling out "Washington D. C.", then expand into a large mob, covering most of Virginia and West Virginia and much of lower Pennsylvania, bumping up against Pittsburgh.
People who live in the DC area and just want to go to the grocery or pick up kids from day care will be diverted around the crowd. They will be directed to drive North, then East through Buffalo. From there they proceed South West across Ohio, skirting the far edge of the inaugural campgrounds, and stopping for a break in Cincinnati.
Here we will be locking the cows in the barns and keeping the kids home from the little schoolhouses that dot the Cincinnati prairie landscape. We expect our Skyline Chili and Graeters Ice Cream parlors to be packed with DC residents taking a break before continuing South East to Charleston South Carolina where all DC businesses are setting up temporary operations as they flee the inaugural masses. There the weary DC refugees will grab their milk and bread and pick up their kids.
The DC natives should be able to get back home by early Thursday morning, when they can join the forced clean up detail clearing the mess left by the crowds indulging in the drugs and free love and communal bathing in the reflecting pool.