Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Weather Outside is Frightful; Film at 11:00

We had about 4 - 5 inches of snow this morning, followed by freezing rain, sleet and ice. Tomorrow morning we will have more snow. Where? How much? If you think those would be the most important elements of the TV weather forecast, you are clearly NOT a trained and certified meteorologist.

TV weather forecasting 101's first lesson is that you need video, LIVE!, on the scene of the impending snow disaster. You need a reporter and camera crew in the grocery establishing that people are buying shovels so that viewers without shovels experience fear and despair. You need a reporter and camera crew on the road, to establish that traffic is moving slowly over plowed roads, which are nevertheless impassable due to being blocked by TV camera crews.

Our local station had THREE reporters stationed around town without hats or scarves to establish that (a) freezing rain is cold and (b) freezing rain and ice have different properties than water. All three reporters had to pick up chunks of ice to prove that ice accumulates. The best part was that, when they switched to the third guy, he reported to the audience, "Big surprise, it sucks here too."

One reporter stood on the edge of the "slippery and treacherous" road to tell us that any of these cars might spin out of control at any moment. "The entire viewing audience were thinking, "Oh, pleeeease, somebody hit a patch of ice and take this idiot out!" This was the snow storm equivalent of the reporter standing next to the flapping power lines in a hurricane, reporting that it is "windy".

I think my neighborhood will be south of the 8 - 10 inches of snow and we will have only 4 - 6 in round two tomorrow. Hard to say because it took you longer to read that than it took the weather jerk to give us the information we had waited for.

Weather people aren't the only dumb asses in a Cincinnati snow day. This is the thought process of the divers in front of me on the way to work today: "I think I will be safer in the left lane, out of the way of people merging on and off the expressway. Ah, yes, this is great. The closest car in front of me is a mile ahead and al the crazy, fast drivers are going by me on the right. I made a good decision. So many cars are staying behind me, following my path. I am leading them to safety. It may take us more than an hour to go 15 miles, but we'll get there safely! Ooh, look, there's an emrgency vehicle way on the other side of the freeway. I'd better slow down some more."

I may just stay home tomorrow.


Cali said...

Looks like I'm not the only one with a little bit of road rage! lol

JohnnyB said...

Road "rage" makes it sound so irrational. I assume I am (and probably you are) rational and the rst are idiots. It is road contempt!

Marisa said...

I think I just fell in love with you.

JohnnyB said...

Marisa, if you read a few posts up, you'll find that my wife and Shelly Fabares are in line first. Also, I should mention Andie McDowell, in case she realizes she is in love with me also. But thanks for the love and keep in touch!

Marisa said...

The wife I will step aside for. But Shelly - I would totally take that bitch down!

Bill Brohaugh said...

These were the same stations that fired their talking weatherheads some years back because they didn't have meteorological degrees. No weather smarts, I guess was the thinking. But they had weather smarts indeed. They knew enough to come in out of the rain. Now you need a degree to identify ice. And sportscasters will soon need a Ph.D in physics to refer to a curveball in baseball.