I Have Seen the Light

To stop forgetful people in our offices from wasting energy, we have installed sensors to control the lights in the restrooms in our building. When you enter the room, the lights go on and they automatically shut off after 20 minutes. Few people were failing to turn on the lights going in; the forgetting to turn off the lights, though, was wasting money.

Some people are concerned that the lights will go off while they are still completing their task. If the task is taking you more than 20 minutes, you have a real problem and probably should have stayed home today. And, if the lights do go out and you can’t function because you don’t know where the important parts are in the dark, you have another problem and maybe we shouldn’t have hired someone at your basic skill level.

I think the automatic shutoff feature is great for when you go in to take a shnap in the stall. You’ve finished the sh-- portion of the event but the light is hindering the nap portion. In a mere 20 minutes, viola, you have a dark stall in which to snooze. What? You don’t believe it’s appropriate to shnap at work? It is called a restroom, isn’t it?

Lately there have been occasions where I go in the restroom and the light does not come on - the sensor does not sense me. I’m not sure why but I think it means that I am intermittently invisible. If I could harness that power, I might achieve the dream I had in junior high. The drawback is that I no longer want to sneak into the junior high school girls’ shower room under the cloak of invisibility or not. That would be sick and disgusting.

I could sneak into the women’s shower at a grown up gym. But then I would have to go to the gym. I think I’d rather take a shnap and just dream about it