Saturday, July 18, 2009

That's The Way It Is, Or the Way It Was. I Get Them Confused.

I got an urgent breakfast invitation from my friend and E! News celebrity death correspondent, Giddy Golightly. We met at the Mom's Country Cholesterol and Vegan Homestyle Diner which caters to the health conscious hipster and the walking cardiac case. As I dug into my biscuits and sausage gravy, Holly sipped on an organic pomegranate smoothie and laid out her problem.

GIDDY: How can you eat that stuff? Okay, so Walter Cronkite died and I have to cover it. What's my hook? I mean, if a music superstar or actor dies, they mostly do it young and tragically while they are still relevant. Cronkite is that old news guy, right? Or was that Captain Kangaroo? I get them confused.

ME: Cronkite was a the news guy who comforted our parents when JFK died. Kangaroo was the kid's show host who comforted the children when Bunny Rabbit stole the carrots. Captain Kangaroo was the father of Mr. Conductor from the Thomas the Tank Engine show.

GIDDY: Oooooohhhh. Okay. That helps. Wait. No it doesn't. I'm covering Cronkite. Whose father was he?

ME: Cronkite was everyone's favorite Uncle Walter. But aren't you also covering the death of Gordon Waller? He died yesterday too.

GIDDY: BLANK STARE

ME: Of Peter and Gordon. Now, you might confuse them with Chad and Jeremy.

GIDDY: I know. Right? Wait. What?

ME: Peter and Gordon, Chad and Jeremy. They were part of the "British Invasion."

GIDDY: Oh my god. you give me JFK's death and now the Revolutionary War? These are things from history class for my audience. (SHE GRABBED A FORK FULL OF MY SAUSAGE GRAVY)

ME: No, the British invasion was the Beatles, the Stones, the Dave Clark Five and all those groups. Peter and Gordon had a leg up because Peter Asher's sister was Jane Asher - Paul McCartney's girlfriend. But Chad and Jeremy played "The Redcoats" on the Dick Van Dyke show.

GIDDY (TAKING A BITE OF MY HASH BROWNS): Like I said, Revolutionary War. I'm not stupid.

ME: No. So, anyway, there's your connection. Cronkite is famous for his JFK and space program coverage in the 60s and Peter and Gordon were stars in the 60s.

GIDDY: So who's the third one? I explained to you how they die in threes, right?

ME: Well, Robert McNamara died a couple weeks ago. He was the architect of the Viet Nam war in the 60s. Don't confuse him with the band leader.

GIDDY: BLANK STARE

ME: Nevermind. But there's also Dallas McKennon, who died a few days ago. He was the voice of Gumby, Buzz Buzzard and Archie Andrews in cartoons.

GIDDY (FRUSTRATED): I asked for your help and you just try and confuse me. Eddie Murphy was Gumby. I wish he'd died. People at least know who Eddie Murphy is.

ME: (INCREDULOUS STARE) Um, they made a cartoon out of Eddie's Gumby character and Dallas McKennon did the voice. And "Dallas" goes with JFK's assassination covered by Cronkite. So now you have 4 connections instead of three.

GIDDY: I'm going with Gumby. No one cares about McNamara and the Viet Nam War, right? I wonder if SNL will have Eddie Murphy on to do a tribute to Gumby? Are you going to eat all your bacon?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

oooh! My head is spinning! :-)
May I have some of those hash browns?

Karen

JohnnyB said...

Sorry, we ate them all.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

The Monkees have to come into play somewhere in there, don't they?

JohnnyB said...

The Monkees, America's pre-fab answer to the British Invasion probably come into this post like Captain Kangaroo. CK was a TV invention and not actually a captain (nor a kangaroo). The Monkees were also invented for TV and were not actually monkeys or a rock group (until teenybopper fans made them real).

JohnnyB said...

PS my wife (Anonymous) was one of those fans.

lisleman said...

Good post I didn't know Gordon of Peter and Gordon had died.

Well the news died long before Walter did. Maybe if it had not, Giddy might know more.

Susan said...

Do not mock the Captain or I will have to get the ping pong balls.

JohnnyB said...

lisleman - Gordon would have been huge news if not for Cronkite croaking

Susan - did the ping pong balls fall after Mr. Moose told a knock-knock joke? or is that just about the weirdest sentence I've ever written.

Susan said...

From wikipedia: Mr. Moose, whose riddles and knock-knock jokes invariably ended with hundreds of ping-pong balls cascading from above and hitting the Captain on the head