Friday, January 8, 2010

Short People Got No Reason

If you are out and see people taller than you, be sure to remark to them about it. People much over 6 feet tall apparently are unaware of their freakish height and need to be reminded frequently just how much they stand out.

It’s not necessary to go into much depth. You can simply ask, “Dear god, how tall are you?” When the person answers, be sure to challenge it, saying, “Really? That tall?” because people of height are generally ignorant and/or untrustworthy.

It also suffices to just say something like “My, you are so tall,” and then comment to someone else, “He’s a tall one, isn’t he?” This is best when the tall person is a teenager and you are the unbelievably old adult friend of the person’s parents or a senile aunt.

If you happen to see a tall young female under 20 years old, do not bother to even address her directly. You should just comment loudly to a friend, “Christ, did you see how tall that girl is?” It helps if you snicker afterwards to make sure your point is clear that she belongs in a side show.

One thing you should not ask a tall person is, "Do you play basketball?" They all do.

Next week: How to humiliate poor people.


Anonymous said...


Cali said...

My favorite: "How's the air up there?" Just snicker back and pat them lovingly on the head. People love that.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Cali has been known to pat me on the head and say, "hello little one"...

If I looked like that girl in the picture, I wouldn't care if I were 12 feet tall!

JohnnyB said...

Cali - or if you just sort of lean on them with your elbow on their head.

Barb - you'd look fabulous, but finding a dance partner would be tough