Monday, March 8, 2010

Shut Up And Listen

Linda Holmes posted on her NPR blog about people talking in movies. Her point is that it ruins the movie for other people so don’t do it. That’s one sentence, which is all she needed. She might have added a clause saying, “; so just shut the f… up!” but that would be too confrontational.

Holmes spends about 1,300 words equivocating and mincing around. She goes so far as to suggest there are situations where talking is okay. She tries to get into the head of the a-hole interrupting the movie and understand the reasons someone might act out that way. Maybe they were drinking, maybe they forgot their manners, maybe they are starved for attention.

Maybe, Linda, they are just rude, ignorant morons.

Linda is absolutely justified in her opinion and should regard the talkers as miscreants; but she’d rather apologize for them than possibly make them mad at her. She couldn’t actually ask the people nicely to stop talking, the words would not come out of her mouth: “they were still at it. Loudly carrying on like they were in their own living room … so I leaned over and said, ‘Okay, the movie's starting, so.’” Come on, Linda, just try it . Shut yourself in the bathroom and practice completing that sentence. “… so, shut the heck up.” Good. “If you don’t mind.” No!

What Linda needs to do is run for Congress. As a Democrat. You can totally see Nancy Pelosi doing precisely the same thing in “confronting” Republicans about health care reform. “They were still at it. Loudly insisting that a public option was communist and lying about the polls showing that people want it. So I leaned over and said, ‘Okay, we Democrats have a majority, so.’ And John Boehner looked at me in a mean way so I quickly offered to drop the whole bill if he would stop looking at me. It freaks me out.”

Harry Reid would do the same in the Senate. “I don't want to be a bad sport. I've taken money from drug lobbyists. You're not a bad person for being a hypocrite and wanting to get rich and ignore the needs of the public. But please, seriously, choose your moments. If you promise to play nice, we’ll concede everything.”

Linda, the title of your blog post reveals why you will never get the quiet you crave. “Why It Matters When You Talk During Movies.” They are not going to listen to your explanation. You can’t reason with idiots. Just tell them what is going to happen – loud enough for them to hear over their own conversation. “I am watching the movie. You are going to shut up.” Nancy and Harry, are you listening?

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