Secular Saboteurs Shed a Tyr

In a guest column in the Washington Post, Catholic League President, Bill Donohue decries the destruction of our culture by “secular saboteurs”. Donohue documents the continuum from the 70s when (Reverend) Jesse Jackson led students in undermining this nation's Judeo-Christian heritage.” I’m guessing those bastards succeeded in undermining the Judeo part because everything Donohue refers to after that opening is strictly Christian. I get the sense that Donohue never cared much about the Judeo anyway, but now he’s pretty pissed that the secular saboteurs are working their “agenda to smash the last vestiges of Christianity in America.”

Bill O’Reilly identified the War on Christmas a few years ago, calling out the cultural infidels who corrupted the nation with the blasphemous phrase “Happy Holidays”. All the while, the soul of the Righteous People shriveled in absence of hearing "Merry Christmas" ring out from the merchants and moneylenders in the markets.

O’Reilly was unfortunately late to recognize the destruction being wrought by anti God terrorists. “Happy Holidays” was not the first verbal smart bomb rained upon theistic linguistic tradition. Think how long people have been saying “Have a nice day.” You never noticed, did you? You never noticed that they don’t say the proper name of any day. They have taken our Gods out of our days.

Our Romantic-Nordic-Judeo-Christian ancestors gave each day the name of a God: Sun God, Moon God, Tyr, Wodin, Thor, Frigg, Saturn. The Secular Sodomite Saboteurs have changed the familiar greetings so that, “Have a nice Thor’s Day” or “Wodin’s Day”, becomes the empty, atheistic “Have a nice day.” Frigg’s Day is even more abused. On that day, the greeting has become “Have a nice weekend”, referring limply to the following days, but not the sacred Day of Frigg. Why? Because Jesus rose on a Frigg’s Day, of course.

It is a terrifying and pathetic sight to see Christian refugees forced to huddle in the few remaining churches the government allows. They are restricted to observing their holy day “Christmas” only between the months of September and February. And they cannot honor their ancestral connection to frozen, white Norse men who worshiped the mighty Teutonic Gods.

Have a Frigging great day, you secular saboteur succubi!

God Only Knows

This guy got drunk, fell 16 stories and lived. He says he survived because "somebody had a plan for me". I infer that he means God had a plan because he says "There ain't too many days go by that I don't thank God that I'm still here." and he went so far as to attend church the first Sunday after he got home. It's not clear if he means that God's plan was to get Joshua to attend church that one day and pitching him out a window was the best way God could come up with to accomplish it.
Most assuredly, I don't know God's plans or his M.O. for accomplishing them. I am nevertheless skeptical when people attribute someone's death or survival to "God's will" or "God's plan". For example, assuming there is no "Funniest Heaven's Video" show up there, why would God particularly want Sonny Bono to ski into a tree?
People are often rather selective in what they credit God for. When quarterbacks throw a touchdown pass, they often point to the sky, indicating their thanks to God. When, on the next possession, the quarterback throws an interception, he never shakes his fist at the sky, indicating that he is miffed at God. If God actually is determining the outcome of the game, why even play; we could just look for the score in the Church bulletin. And, seriously, if God were interested in football, why would it be played on the Sabbath (Friday night and Saturday for you Jewish, high school and college fans or Sunday for the Christian, NFL fans - Monday or Thursday night football being an abomination).
If God has a plan for us, I believe it's a very general plan and not so specific that it involves saving Joshua Hanson from his drunken stupidity. Does Joshua believe that this conversation took place as he crashed through the window:
St. Peter: Lord, Joshua Hanson just went out the window on the 16th floor of a building.
God: Joshua Hanson? Me damn it! I have a plan for him. I turn around for one second and they all get drunk and act crazy.
St. Peter: Perhaps you should not have given them wine, as Noah himself fell into trouble with that. That aside, you still have time to save Joshua.
God: Yeah, but I don't want it to look like a miracle. My plan for him is secret and I don't want him to suspect anything. Just stick an awning under him or something.
If that was the way plans were managed in Heaven, it would make God look like Michael Scott, the manager of The Office.