Thursday, October 30, 2008

I've Got To Get Down To Swingtown

I didn't think I was going to have time to write an entry today, but thanks to Joe Biden, my grocery shopping is all taken care of and with Sarah Palin putting down the blacktop sealer on my driveway, I have a few moments to sit at the computer.
I live in Ohio which is either a "battleground" state or a "swing" state (depending on your news source) and the candidates are relentless and shameless in pursuit of our votes. I told Sarah we're a swing state and I added a wink and a "you betcha"; but she pulled out her rifle and told me to back off, so we're going with "battleground" for now. John McCain, on the other hand, was willing to put his lifelong commitment to being heterosexual on hold if it would get him my vote. "I'll pitch or catch, I don't care," he grumbled, "this is a crisis and we'll do whatever it takes."
Barack Obama offered to review my tax returns from last year and sit with me and deduct with me and get a few exemptions for me and fight for me and knock on IRS doors for me and...I told him to shut up and just fill out the amended return. He came up with an additional refund for me but, strangely, he had it sent to my neighbor. "We need to spread it around," he told me.Sarah just finished my driveway and came in and told me that Barack Obama has been palling around with Pittsburgh Steelers and University of Michigan football players. She says he doesn't understand real Ohio sports. Joe Biden, having returned from Kroger, tossed a hunk of real American cheese at her head and now this place really is a battleground.
I'll be glad when the election is over and these four stop sucking up to us here in Ohio. No, John, no, I wasn't asking you to do anything. Stand up, John.


scarletvirago said...

Oh, sure! They come to your state to court you, but when it's all over they'll come back to mine and just take a giant crap in my back yard! (That's probably more metaphorical if you know that I live just outside of Washington DC.)

Jenny said...


JohnnyB said...

ScarletV - I feel sorry for you, but the next 4 years have GOT be better than the last 8.

Jenny - ;-)

Anonymous said...

See there, that's why I could never vote for Sarah Palin. She just doesn't get us REAL Ohioans. We just had our driveway sealed 6 months ago--what we really needed was to have our front porch painted!