I've Got To Get Down To Swingtown

I didn't think I was going to have time to write an entry today, but thanks to Joe Biden, my grocery shopping is all taken care of and with Sarah Palin putting down the blacktop sealer on my driveway, I have a few moments to sit at the computer.
I live in Ohio which is either a "battleground" state or a "swing" state (depending on your news source) and the candidates are relentless and shameless in pursuit of our votes. I told Sarah we're a swing state and I added a wink and a "you betcha"; but she pulled out her rifle and told me to back off, so we're going with "battleground" for now. John McCain, on the other hand, was willing to put his lifelong commitment to being heterosexual on hold if it would get him my vote. "I'll pitch or catch, I don't care," he grumbled, "this is a crisis and we'll do whatever it takes."
Barack Obama offered to review my tax returns from last year and sit with me and deduct with me and get a few exemptions for me and fight for me and knock on IRS doors for me and...I told him to shut up and just fill out the amended return. He came up with an additional refund for me but, strangely, he had it sent to my neighbor. "We need to spread it around," he told me.Sarah just finished my driveway and came in and told me that Barack Obama has been palling around with Pittsburgh Steelers and University of Michigan football players. She says he doesn't understand real Ohio sports. Joe Biden, having returned from Kroger, tossed a hunk of real American cheese at her head and now this place really is a battleground.
I'll be glad when the election is over and these four stop sucking up to us here in Ohio. No, John, no, I wasn't asking you to do anything. Stand up, John.

Everybody's Talkin' At Me

So Sarah Palin, God bless her, won the debate last night by speaking coherently and regurgitating the talking points she had been fed without getting any on her shoes. She made clear, persuasive points such as this:

I respect Senator Biden - hey, can I call you Joe - for standin' up there and not attacking a mom of a special needs baby, also, and cryin' 'cause your kids died or almost died and all that also. I know you openly despise Barack Obama, doncha, and ya said so on the campaign trail, that he's not fit to shine your shoes (wink), and so I respect that also. You are sorta a maverick, but not a real Republican maverick like me and my hero, John McCain. Ya never took on your own, corrupt, despicable party like we have and ya sorta support Obama now, also, doncha? You are a great man who's been a little too long in the Senate, not like my hero John McCain also.
I am pretty passionate about the chance, if I am so blessed, to take over where Dick Cheney left off and add to the power of the Vice President also. That way, I can run a new Federal Department of Sayin' "Hey, Government, Get Outta Our Way, Wouldja?" also.
And, doggonit, I appreciate this opportunity ta speak directly to the moms and dads sittin' around the kitchen tables in America, also. I can give them the straight talk in a maverick way, ya know, not answering the questions asked, and without my questions bein' followed up on or bein' filtered through the liberal East coast media with their "gotcha" moments and all that also.
So, there ya go.

Missing You

The past week for me was consumed by preparing for and attending an off-site management advance ("we never retreat!") doing strategic planning for our coming year at (company I work for).

Things it is too late to blog about:
The first struggle to get the candidates for President to give direct answers to a moderator's direct questions.
Paul Newman's Own death.
The bi-partisan, bi-polar Congressional bailout that the Congress bailed out of. (Of course there is time for me to respond to their response to their first response.)
The season premier of "Desperate Housewives", which jumped forward 5 years from last season's story lines and 6 years from when they jumped the shark.
Rosh Hashana. Yes, they scheduled this company strategy meeting over a major Jewish holiday. Hey, who knew it was Tishri already? I wished them all Happy New Year and they promised to atone for this error.

What I can still comment on is tonight's Vice-Presidential debate.
The New York times has presented questions they would like the candidates to answer.
Here are my questions for Senator Biden and Governor Palin:
1) Hey. What's up?
2) If Barack Obama is elected President, will the House and Senate become predominantly occupied by black people as whites flee to the suburbs? As a follow up, what do you think the effect would be on the resale value of the White House?
3) Governor Palin, if you are elected, will you move to have hunting allowed around the perimeter of the Vice President's house so that you can feed your family?
Senator Biden, would you move to allow it in order to pander to the NRA?
4) Do you think "Dancing With the Stars" really sucks this year?
5) Governor Palin: boxers or briefs?
6) Senator Biden, could you give us one of your insanely unfortunate, off-the-cuff responses so that we can at least get a good YouTube video out of this program?

L'shanah tovah!