Saturday, February 28, 2009

Please Do Keep Me Synonymous

The Cincinnati Bengals have become synonymous with losing. Gary Burbank for years took calls from the Synonymous Bengal ("I happen to be one of the Cincinnati Bengals who most assuredly do want to remain synonymous so's not to besmirch my reparation, you understand") who epidermisized the haplessness of the team.

In 2002, second-year receiver, young TJ Houshmandzadeh was used as a kick returner and he often returned the ball ... to the kicking team via a fumble. TJ was not the team's biggest problem, but when I wrote this song, which Synonymous sang, about that awful year, TJ became the tag line.



TJ was so embarrassed by this satiric thrashing that he vowed to become the most reliable receiver on the team and one of the top pass catchers in the league. He achieved that goal and became my favorite player.

I am posting this now because TJ will soon leave the Bengals and get big bucks from some real team out there somewhere. He tells me his only regret is that he will not have me around to motivate and inspire him with my humiliating mocking of his weaknesses and mistakes. I am using my #84 jersey to wipe away my tears. I am also waiting for him to send me some of the money he gets because I made him what he is today.

10 comments:

Jprobasco said...

Cool song and cool story, John. You are indeed a talented writer. It's a pleasure to know you.

Susan said...

Wow. I have written the 12 Days of Christmas mocking my co-workers for the past 15 years and no one ever put me on TV. :-(

verification word: fulicr = had enough to drink

JohnnyB said...

Jim - thank you and right back atcha.

Susan - unless your co-wrkers are a professional sports team, it is not likely going to happen.

Anonymous said...

I love that video no matter how many times I see it.

And I'm waiting for your percentage from TJ's next few $10 million years to help us pay for Allie's college and grad school.

Karen

JohnnyB said...

Karen - Amen!

unfinishedrambler said...

Very funny. I'm not surprised about Houshmandzadeh leaving. Anyone could see that coming, I believe. No offense to your Bengals, but he deserves much, much better. :) Did he actually give you a call and tell you all that? ;)

Cali said...

You've already been on TV? Way to go, see SNL is next, I knew it.

Schottzie03 said...

That's back when the Bengals sucked! I remember those days.

JohnnyB said...

Rambler - no, of course TJ didn't call me and tell me that. We discussed it over dinner.

Cali - I'm waiting on that SNL call. Since 1976. Waiting....

Duke - yeah, those sucky days seem like just a couple months ago.

unfinishedrambler said...

Cool that you and TJ had dinner (just showing you that your comments don't just disappear into cyberspace; they return a couple of days later like a boomerang). Next time, get an autograph for me. :)