I Just Saved a Bunch of Time On My Car Insurance Commercials

I’m not the only one searching for a picture of Kim Clijsters’ husband, Brian Lynch. “Searches for ‘Kim Clijsters husband’ rank(ed) fourth on Google Trends” on Monday Morning.

I watched part of Clijsters’ win over Venus Williams yesterday and they showed Kim’s husband in the stands. He had longish, unkempt hair and a scraggly beard and mustache, which caused me to involuntarily say, “ So easy a caveman could do it.” That’s why I hate him.

Sporting events last at least 2 hours and seem to have no more than two sponsors, so you see the same commercials over and over, ad nauseum. The US Open is sponsored by Geico. Geico seems to have tired of their gecko mascot and they are sticking with the Hipster Cavemen, wrongly assumed to mentally primitive, and the Sesame Street reject character, Money Wad. I would rather spend two hours with an actual insurance salesman than watch these commercials. Geico, if you are reading this, I will never buy your products. Ever. Because of how you have defiled my sports watching experience.

I know I don’t have to watch the commercials. For one, I can leave the room. I tried getting up to get a beer every time Cavemen came on. Pretty soon I was alternating that with trips to the bathroom. By the end of a football game, I couldn’t even get up off the couch anymore and the drunken insults I shouted at Money Wad just angered my wife.

Speaking of football, ESPN college football seems to have only one sponsor, Drunk Driving Arrests, Inc.,who have had only one commercial for the past 17 years: “Over the Limit, Under Arrest”. The scenes of alcohol filled cars make me think I want to have another beer and when the booze flows out of the car I have the urge to go pee again.

The best solution to the commercial annoyance is to DVR the game and start watching an hour into it. You have to not answer the phone and shut off Facebook and twitter to prevent getting updates from friends or fan pages before you see the action on TV.

But it’s all worth it when you hit the fast forward button and watch blurred cavemen seemingly being drowned in beer flowing out of a truck as you whiz past all the commercials.