Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Stick It Where The Sun Don't Shine

"There is not a thing you can come up with that the G.O.P. is for. Sunshine in the morning? Harry Reid couldn’t persuade a single Senate Republican to vote yes."

My sister pointed me to this statement, which I initially took to be a joke. However this debate actually took place in the Senate on Monday.

The impetus of the controversy was when some senator remarked that "the Redskins will probably get blown out in the opener against the Giants" Harry Reid (D - NV) shrugged and said, whatever happens, I guarantee the sun will come up the next day."

At this point Senator Levon Delight (R - MS) stood and objected to "Senator Reid's proposal for government controlled sunshine. I do not want some bureaucrat standing between me and my sunshine," he said.

Senator Reid attempted to respond but Senator Joe Goebbels (R - GDR) took the floor. "President Obama and the Democrats are turning America into a totalitarian state where the supreme leader is believed to control the sunrise and expects the people to worship him."

A great hubbub and grumbling arose which captured the attention of the cable news paparazzi. Within minutes Bill O'Reilly was reporting that "the axis of socialism, Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, are trying to take away the people's right to determine when the sun comes up for them or if they even want sunshine."

Former Alaskan Governor, Sarah Palin, held a press conference in her home, standing before the stretched and tanned hide of Levi Johnston. "This bill introduced by the Democrats is very dangerous and frightens me as the mother of teen girls. This law would establish Solar Panels to determine who is hot and who is not."

Fox news polls show that 55% of Americans now object to sunshine reform. Meanwhile a viral status update spread across the Facebook pages of millions of Democrats: "I agree that Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy, sunshine in my eyes can make me cry, sunshine on the water looks so lovely, sunshine almost always makes me high. If you agree, post this as your status for the rest of the day."

Citizens at town hall meetings are opining that they deserve the same access to sunshine that Congressman John Boehner (R - OH) enjoys.

Several sunshine bills have now been introduced in Congress. Speaking on "Hardball" on MSNBC, Harry Reid, in the one second left after Chris Matthews spent ten minutes asking and clarifying his own question, could promise only that "the sun'll come out tomorrow, if the Joint Committee can hammer out a compromise."

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