Java Jive

I like coffee. I also crave the patina of coolness that comes from hanging at Starbucks, wifi-ing your way to work and grooving to a fresh CD of some aged jazz legend dueting with rappers and pop stars. But I have a problem at Starbucks. It's not that I don't speak Fritalian or that I can't afford the overpriced lattechinomochalous; it's that I like coffee. Black coffee. I don't even ask them to leave room for soy milk or a shot of maple syrup or a stuffed bear. Going to Starbucks and getting just black coffee, though, is like going to Dunkin Donuts and buying a donut; it's embarrassing, as if you can't think of something more creative and hip.
I just want coffee to wake me up and start my day. But this morning I saw this story. Instead of waking up and smelling the coffee, all I have to do is smell the coffee to wake up. In the same way as you get cancer from second-hand smoke.
So this morning my friend comes and asks if I want some Starbucks. I go with him and just wait while he orders. "You don't want anything?" "No," I say,"you know I don't like to just get black coffee here."
"But that's what I'm getting -- c'mon, we can be freaks together."
"Can I just smell yours?" I ask.
"What?"
"I just want to smell it." I take his coffee and pop the lid and stick my nose down practically touching the liquid as I inhale the aroma. "I read that this is just as good as actually drinking it. The smell wakes you up."
"So, you wannna give me 2 bucks for your share of the coffee?"
"What? I only smelled it."
"If you're getting a contact high off my coffee, you ought to pay for it."
I thought about it for a bit. I did feel bad, as though I'd just taken some fable he wrote and used it in my blog as my own material.
"Okay, I owe you. Here's two bucks." I took two bills out of my wallet and snapped them a couple times. Then I pocketed them.
"What was that?"
"I took the aroma of your coffee - and bought it with the sound of my money. Here's your tip," I said as I bounced a quarter off the table and back into my hand.


coffee aroma = fear moo face

Perhaps GermLatin

I like this Dunkin' Donuts commercial. The tune is catchy, the words are clever. Yeah, those 'Fritalian' words are annoying - We're Americans (from the Italian, Amerigo Vespucci), damn it! We want to order in English, like that guy out there drinking an all-American Dunkin' Donuts LATTE.
Seriously, did they think that through? Right up until there, the commercial has me believing that Dunkin' Doughnuts is more American than Seattle-based Starbucks. Then I see that DD Latte and I remember my biggest complaint about Starbucks speak is not the Fritalian "Venti" or "Grande", it's their twisting of the English word, "tall", to refer to their smallest size.
Side Note: Once again, DD is distancing themselves from the doughnut basis of their business.
Side Note 2: If you pause the commercial and read the menu, you will see that one of the items is "Himan Plu Cento". Gross.